Have I lost my fight???

I look around and everything still looks the same. Let's see....my hair is still long and curly. My eyes are still brown. I am still vertically challenged. yep. I still LOOK like the same person.....but something has changed.

I go on about my days and all seems fairly normal, except for one thing....I think I've lost my fight. What I mean is that I think I have lost the desire to fight. It is very surreal. Not a bad thing...I just don't really feel that I need to fight for everyone else's injustice. I don't need to fight because something is not being done the way I think it is supposed. I don't feel the need to try and "help anyone understand" anything. For the past year I have been saying, "it is what it is". I think I have finally REALLY adopted this and not only are they words, but actually what I believe.

The other day I was watching this stupid show called Whale Wars. It is like a car wreck! I just can't turn it off. Animal planting had a casting call for the biggest imbeciles and put them on a ship. These idiots feel their greatest cause is to save the whales they believe are being killed wrongly by the Japanese. If you haven't seen this show it is hysterical...you should try and catch it!

However, last night I wasn't laughing as I watched. In fact, quite the opposite, I was almost in tears. Why? Because they showed one of the hunting ships chasing down a whale for miles and miles, finally spearing him and reeling him in close to the ship where a man on the deck took a rifle and shot the whale.
BANG!
You can see the whale coming up for air
BANG!
He is bleeding out horribly. The commentator speak of the stench of the blood
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Eight shots and twenty minutes later, this poor whale finally died.

...I was sad.

That's it. I was sad.

There wasn't, "I was sad and then so angry I wrote a letter or called so and so or started researching this or that." I was just sad.
At work, there are situations that have happened where I just sat and listened. I walked to my office and was upset. But it ended there. "It is what it is", I mumble under my breathe. Things aren't perfect with my family all the time and at times, I feel hurt and upset. "It is what it is".

What is it?? When did this happen to me???!? I used to fight for every cause in which I felt there was injustice! If I felt injustice against me, the fight was there. Now....I just leave it....and pray it will work itself out...but I don't feel the need, desire, will or even energy to try and change opinions, move people or items to favor what I believe to be the right.

This is a very new place in my life. I am not sure where or when it started. I just know that it is here now....and quite frankly, I very much appreciate it. It's not that I don't care because I seriously DO! I just don't feel that I need to fight for it anymore. I mean, things are what they are. I can try and put in my three cents, but that is the extent to where I go. I no longer feel I need to drill it in or start a movement. I just feel like I need to let it be and trust that it will turn out in a way that will benefit all...and if it doesn't...well..it is what it is!

I'm still the same person..only different. Life reveals things to us in it's ever-so-slow ways...and I believe it has revealed that those that are really there for you, that really care for you will push into to you also; it won't be one-sided. If the situation doesn't move the way we feel it should, either I will come to my senses or the other parties involved will and it will weigh out perfectly.

All in all, it doesn't mean I won't fight for an outstanding cause. But I just don't feel like being anyone's soldier anymore. Nor do I feel like everything has to be a fight. Kinda like the father in the movie the Patriot...despite who he was, he was ready to stay home and be a dad. That is me...I am just good to be. I appreciate the small things and those who have chosen to be in my life. If you aren't and I have stopped making contact, my heart for you has not changed. I still desire to have a relationship...I'm just waiting...being. I am still here.

I have lost my fight, but it is well with me.