Hello, Fall. I am glad to feel you again.

Greetings all!
WOW! As I scribe these words, I am wearing a sweater because it is a tad, bit, chilly outside. I love this weather!

Some random thoughts...if I may?

Last Thursday I went to the small grocery store down the road in our small little town. I rode my bike since the day was so gorgeous. I get there and as I am walking up to the sliding door, I see a homemade sign scotch-taped crookedly to the glass. "Stephen's will be closed tomorrow at 6pm for Homecoming."

I smile. As I walk pass the produce and check out counter, Emily nods her head at me as if she is being forced to. She is the clerk whose line I go through all the time. She is a young girl that hates being there...hates being anywhere, it seems. She's not very happy.

I grab my couple of items and put them in my pink re-usable bag and find that Emily's line is empty. "Lucky her," I think to myself.

"Hey Emily!"
She nods.
"You gonna go to the football game tomorrow?"
Because she isn't happy, she equally does not welcome shallow banter. "I guess everyone in this place is."
"Ya! Store is closing down for it! Pretty big deal, huh?"
"Uuumm. Need anything else?"
"Nope! That's it!"
I smile. "See you later! Have a good one!"
"You too," she says in her cheerful way....

I put my stuff in the little basket on my bike and take a deep breathe. WOW! This place is amazing...all I have ever dreamed of...and here I am. Me. In small town America.

I peddle my way through the parking lot and make my first right turn. As I go around, I see a lady standing on her porch arranging pumpkins. She has the most amazing wrap around porch and two little living rooms situated on each end. The porch is the the crown for the emaculate yard she and her husband keep. She stops here arranging, looks up at me, smiles and waves. CHING-CHING! I ring the little bell on my bike. (Yes! I have a bell on my bike..shut it!)

I peddle on. I hear a little girl in the distance. "Poppa, are we gonna make chicken or steak? Is it going to be the yucky sauce or the one I like? I don't like chicken...but maybe...."
I smile and without hearing another word she says, I listen. Her dad cleans the grill, she bounces the basketball that is half her size. Her little shoes paddle across the rocky driveway that leads up to their small cottage. The screen door slams on the frame as her older brother comes charging out.
As I pass, they look up. They wave. CHING-CHING! "Poppa, she has a bell! I want one." Her father smiles and giggles as I pass.

As I cross the railroad tracks, the old man that lives on the corner is sitting in his back yard as he customarily does every evening. He has 4 canoes neatly placed in his back yard and although I have never seen him take any of them to the lake, he sure does keep them in order. In the Spring he sits out on his front porch ready to serve any of his customers. You see, he raises rabbits. He sits them out in cages where his grass meets the road and open for business every Sunday. Between you and me, I think Sammy bounced into our lives from his house...but I'll never tell! *wink*

I carefully manuever over the tracks as not to have my purchases bounce out of my basket. As I get closer to the end of the road, again, I take a deep breathe. "The grocery store closes for the high school Homecoming". That is awesome! I love small town life. I always have. And now here I am....I am grateful. So content. So....just so....

Anyway....Fall is here and it makes it all even better! I am getting all my Harvest stuff up, so as soon as I get it all done, I will send some pics.

Hope you all are having a great one...I know I am!

I might let you down, but I won't let you go

I read this recently in some lyrics of a song.

Every once in a while, I hear a song or read some lyrics and there is ONE line that just won't let go.
(like Mis-carried life, another blog, in case you haven't read it)

"I might let you down, but I won't let you go"

I got to thinking...

I find myself at a place in my life where my landscape has changed. It isn't a bad or a good thing, it just is. One of the major things I see has changed is the circles in which I stand amongst. There are people that were in my life a year ago that no longer are. People that are new in my life in which I never even imagined before. There are some relationships that have taken a hiatus and I am still at a loss as to the why's, what's, when's and where's of their departure. It is in these in which I wish to comment today.

I have never claimed to be a perfect person. Although, sometimes, my direct, aggressive and confrontational nature occupies the stage of my little life, before the curtain closes, my loyalty, sincerity and kindness will always close the show. As previously noted in my previous blog, I no longer feel that I am in the place to "fight" for those relationships that no longer exist. However, I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss them. Because I do not know why they have ceased to exist in my life, I am at a loss. It is as if they are unfinished chapters. There are times that I feel sad, others upset and then those where I feel indifferent. Mostly, tho, I think I feel a sense of really wanting to understand. I feel that although my "first face" of being aggressive, etc is what most know, when it comes to my inner circle the last face is the one that sustain these relationships. So I have to wonder if somewhere down the line either I left or these relationships made a hard exit to the door before the saw the last act?
I don't know...either way...the bottom line is that even if I have let some down. Disappointed. Angered. Caused them to feel left. I still haven't let go.

I don't want this entry to be somber. However, it is something that continues to sit at the forefront of my mind. I know, I know, some might say, "well com front them". Problem is that I have. Over and over and there is little to no response...and it is in that that I must move on. I guess these few scribed words are just ramblings...

I apologize it has been a while since I last wrote. Things have been quite scrambled. The combination of doctor's appointments and the constant wondering (not worrying) has plagued much of my time. HOWEVER, in the next breathe, so has the preparations for the upcoming nuptials. We got the pictures from the "Engagement Photos" back. I was pleased with how they turned out! (I have attached a few)

Work is cranking and life is moving ever-so-quickly! I was looking at my calender last night trying to sync it up with Terry and the rest of our lives and I am already through the holidays and into February in my head. Lord willing, time will slow for just a moment so that I can inhale the grace around me!

Anyway...I just wanted to check in with you all! (whoever is out there and reads this) LOL!

Tomorrow is the start of Fall! My heart sings!









































PS
A few months ago I blogged about a cake topper I had found. Well, I had one made!
Take a peak! It's Terry, Myself and Bruto, my beloved donkey!!