Lots of randomness...

Greetings all!

FIRST....a fun fact for you.
Did you know that Armadillo can stand on their hind legs and jump? I did not know that.
The other day I was walking around the lake and an armadillo scared the far out of me! And I got to thinking, what if I upset him ....would he attack? Well...low and behold...stinkin' thing DOES jump! SO...next time you see one, be aware...they can be dangerous to your health! LOL!

Let's see...LOTS going on in these parts! Work, work, work, and more work....OH! And SOME play in all of that!

My fantasy football leagues are doing ok. I was upset this weekend because I didn't change the roster. However, I did OK. This week, tho, I have GOT to have a GREAT week! I am pumped!

The MOST exciting thing happening in my life right now is all around me.....the WEATHER! It is absolutely delicious! Oh my! It is getting cooler....SO nice! (she sighs) So co-see! (as Abby would say)

I have about 4 blogs that I have written but haven't posted...they are a bit "deep" so I think that is why I am procrastinating! But I will get something up.

Coming soon....."I may let you down, but I won't let you go".

BTW, I have to be accountable...
I STILL have not called Brianna, Tonya or Missa! Today...today!!! UUGGH...I suck!

Anyway, just wanted to drop a line. I have a counter on this thing and saw there were mutliple hits in the past few days...I'm sure you all live every day wondering what the heck I am doing and why I haven't posted....ah! Yes....because my life is SO interesting! LOL! I know, I know...I'm a dork!!

Hope you all are well! More to come!

Until then, watch out for those darn armadillos!

I might let you down, but I won't let you go

I read this recently in some lyrics of a song.

Every once in a while, I hear a song or read some lyrics and there is ONE line that just won't let go.
(like Mis-carried life, another blog, in case you haven't read it)

"I might let you down, but I won't let you go"

I got to thinking...

I find myself at a place in my life where my landscape has changed. It isn't a bad or a good thing, it just is. One of the major things I see has changed is the circles in which I stand amongst. There are people that were in my life a year ago that no longer are. People that are new in my life in which I never even imagined before. There are some relationships that have taken a hiatus and I am still at a loss as to the why's, what's, when's and where's of their departure. It is in these in which I wish to comment today.

I have never claimed to be a perfect person. Although, sometimes, my direct, aggressive and confrontational nature occupies the stage of my little life, before the curtain closes, my loyalty, sincerity and kindness will always close the show. As previously noted in my previous blog, I no longer feel that I am in the place to "fight" for those relationships that no longer exist. However, I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss them. Because I do not know why they have ceased to exist in my life, I am at a loss. It is as if they are unfinished chapters. There are times that I feel sad, others upset and then those where I feel indifferent. Mostly, tho, I think I feel a sense of really wanting to understand. I feel that although my "first face" of being aggressive, etc is what most know, when it comes to my inner circle the last face is the one that sustain these relationships. So I have to wonder if somewhere down the line either I left or these relationships made a hard exit to the door before the saw the last act?
I don't know...either way...the bottom line is that even if I have let some down. Disappointed. Angered. Caused them to feel left. I still haven't let go.

I don't want this entry to be somber. However, it is something that continues to sit at the forefront of my mind. I know, I know, some might say, "well com front them". Problem is that I have. Over and over and there is little to no response...and it is in that that I must move on. I guess these few scribed words are just ramblings...

I apologize it has been a while since I last wrote. Things have been quite scrambled. The combination of doctor's appointments and the constant wondering (not worrying) has plagued much of my time. HOWEVER, in the next breathe, so has the preparations for the upcoming nuptials. We got the pictures from the "Engagement Photos" back. I was pleased with how they turned out! (I have attached a few)

Work is cranking and life is moving ever-so-quickly! I was looking at my calender last night trying to sync it up with Terry and the rest of our lives and I am already through the holidays and into February in my head. Lord willing, time will slow for just a moment so that I can inhale the grace around me!

Anyway...I just wanted to check in with you all! (whoever is out there and reads this) LOL!

Tomorrow is the start of Fall! My heart sings!









































PS
A few months ago I blogged about a cake topper I had found. Well, I had one made!
Take a peak! It's Terry, Myself and Bruto, my beloved donkey!!

Feeling depended on.

So the other day my niece, Abby, and I were hanging out and it was a gorgeous day. There are a bunch of lakes throughout the community and I had been wanting to visit them. So I told Abby, "later on, we'll go to the lake!" The morning came and went and in the afternoon, I decided to pack us a picnic lunch. I loaded our lunch in her little wagon, she sat in the wagon with her big water bottle in hand and I attached portable speakers to my IPOD and hit the country music. She says, "music? music?" (She repeats everything at LEAST twice these days or until you acknowledge her.) I say, "yes, music."

I grab the wagon by its handle and off we go! It was SO neat! I could write an entire blog about that hour with her at the lake! It was really NEAT! BUT....I digress. At one point of our visit to the lake, we wound up at the swings. I wasn't sure if she was going to get on them because I remembered that Corrie had told me that Abby didn't like the swings and wanted to have nothing to do with them the last time they were there. But these days, it seems Abby changes her mind about what she likes and doesn't like daily. So I asked her. "You want to go on the swings? Quieres ir en el columpio?" (My attempts at helping her be bi-lingual, I repeat everything in English and Spanish) She looks at me and says, "Lumpio". AHA! I take that to mean, "sure, I'll try!" SIDENOTE: These days Abby is getting REALLY good at saying NO. Not only does she say NO, she follows it with Momma. Since Corrie spends the most time with her, Abby now says, "No (pronounced with a Y as in nyo) Momma!" So when she doesn't want something, she says, "no momma". If she repeats it, it means yes.
BACK TO THE STORY: I am excited to do all I can to make her LOVE the swings! So I make a decision that I am not going to throw her on the pony alone. I sit in the swing and tell her, "You can sit on Tika's lap. Ven". She lifts her arms at me, I pick her up and sit her on my lap. And we are off! My feet are still touching the ground...(Uh...for all you smart alec's out there that want to take this as an opportunity to take jabs at the fact that, yes, I AM touching the floor...guess what?? It's a BLOG! That means only I get to be heard...not you! HA! HA! So keep your little, short comments to yourself....oh wait! YOU HAVE TO! HA!) ...I digress.
We go forward and back, forward and back slowly. Her hands are free and she is not sure what to do with them. I tell her, "You can put your hands here. Pon tus manos aqui." I take her right hand and put it on the chain. As I do that, she starts to say, "no. no." and starts wiggling. OH NO! I am failing at making her love the swings! I tell her, "it's OK. Ticka's not going to let you fall. You can trust me." I slow down how fast we are going and start swinging slowly and as she leans her little body towards my chest, resting the back of her head just under my neck, I feel her little hands grab each pocket; one on the right, one on the left. She mumbles softly, "Trust Tika." She repeats it a few times and settles in. We go back and forth for what felt a long time in silence. As I heard the squeaking of the chains on the swing and felt Abby's little body lounging on mine as I swung us back and forth, her two little words kept ringing in my mind.

I'm not a parent. I may never be fortunate enough to be called "Momma". And people always say that no one can understand for a moment what it is like to be a parent. To that, I whole heartedly agree! Even as I sit and scribe this now, my eyes water. It's not overly dramatic that my niece needed to depend on me for a kidney transplant or saving her from a moving truck or anything like that. In fact, Abby didn't even need me. When she was saying, "trust Tika", she wasn't asking it as a question. She was saying it like, "I trust Tika." Just a matter of fact. I have been Blessed to have spent much time with MANY kids. Many kids that opened their lives to me. To this day, I still call them "kids", but they are far from it. And they still allow me to be in their lives, for some crazy reason!

That moment on the swing with my niece made me remember what it felt like to be needed. To feel like someone is depending on me and they trust that I am not going to let them down. I think for a season, I have mis-placed that desire and finding joy in people needing me....people depending on me. Not to say that I had abandoned all responsibility...but just to say that I think I have let life get too busy and I haven't made time for one of the things that make me....well....me!

I had such a neat time at the lake (have I already mentioned I had a neat time at the lake???!).
I totally plan on doing it again! Me, Abby, her big water bottle, her little red wagon, and my pink IPOD....LOVE it!

PS
Tonya, Brianna, Missa, I will make the time this week to call you! I'm sorry I've been a slacker but you know I love you regardless!! (0=

Stuck...

Stuck right in the middle of expecting everything and nothing at all.....

that's all I've got tonight.....

Have a good weekend.

Chasing Windmills

It was once said to me, "you're just chasing windmills."
I didn't understand what they meant when they said that to me, so, in my normal Lizzie self, I asked for further clarification.

They went on to explain it is a saying referencing the story of Don Quijote.
If you don't know the story, here is a quick summary....lizzie-style!

It's about a man that is obsessed with reading stories of chivalry, knights and the such. He spends night and day engrossed in the text that fills the books around him, not even stopping to eat. He has a house attendant that watches him turn into this crazed man. He is so obsessed with these stories that he starts concocting this imaginary life of him being a knight. In the neighboring village, there is a woman whom he fantasizes to be his damsel in distress. He puts together his armor made out of scraps and sets out to free her from her distress. (Of course, I am totally oversimplifying the story greatly) Essentially, he creates his nemesis and his largest opponents are these "giants that roam the land". To everyone else they are windmills. He sets out to rage a war with these giants and eventually goes completely crazy and dies in his fantasy.

Essentially, what they were saying to me when they said that I was "chasing windmills" is "you are creating something that is not and making into a war that you will never win...there is no winning or loosing when it is all made up in your head."

This was said to me about a year ago and at the time, I was like, "uh huh....ok...onward!" as I totally disregarded their comment. However, the other day, it came to my remembrance and I couldn't help but ponder it.

Do I create things to be what they are not? Do I make a mini-war with these things and maybe even cause myself some craziness as I try to figure them out and find a solution or process?

HHMM...well, after much thought, this is what I say...

Yes! Maybe I do. I think a lot of my wars, however, are with myself. I create these illusions of what, who, how I am supposed to be, act, look like, say, etc. It is because of these imaginations of what, who and how that I think I sometimes live in a life that is farce. I think I, at times, don't let things just be. I dissect them and interrogate myself or those around me about certain things to a point that is maddening. As much as I say, "it is what it is", I think there are times that my mind doesn't rest and these crazy wars wage in my mind and trickle down becoming a heart issue.

So...
they (I have NO idea who "they" is, by the way!) say that the first part of fixing a problem is admitting there IS a problem, So here I am, on a night where I hear Hurricane Gustav's winds tapping on my window that I say,

"Hi! My name is Lizzie and I sometimes chase windmills."

There! I said it. So as the night's hours tic on tonight, I sit in my comfortable green chair and battle the crazy little ideas that rage in my head and meditate on the fact that it is probably, most likely just me turning windmills into giants. If I take a moment, breathe in, exhale, rub my eyes, clear my head and re-open my eyes ever-so-slowly, I may see that they are indeed, just windmills!!

I am thrilled!!!



Take a close look at this picture. I found it on the internet...Don Quijote is hiding behind his shield and it has the reflection of the windmills.....I thought it was cool!

How about them COWBOYS!!

WOW!

To be a football fan is one thing.
To be a fan of AMERICA's TEAM is another.

What a GREAT thing!

If you know me, you know that I absolutely enjoy my football and I especially enjoy my Cowboys.
When I moved to Dallas last year, I thought that for SURE I was going to get to finally see them play live. The season came and went last year and I never got to see them. (sad santa tears)

This year (even tho it was pre-season) I got to see them! WOW! What a GRAND experience! It TRULY makes my heart glad! I was ecstatic to get to be at Texas Stadium. I was ecstatic to see so many people sporting Cowboys gear all around me. There was and energy in the air like the one I used to feel on Friday night football games in High School. (If you're from Texas, you know what I mean) It was electric!

However, my excitement was tempered after we got to our seats. Can you say STINKIN' HOT! Oh my goodness! It was SO hot! I mean, I was happily wearing my Romo jersey, but after sitting there a few minutes, I would much rather have been wearing a T-shirt. And the cap on my super thick, curly head was trapping all the heat. I felt like I was going to pass out! We sat there waiting for kick off and of course the energy in the place was immediately sparked when they starting setting everything up for the players to come back out on the field. As excited as I was, I couldn't get my mind to settle down about how HOT it was. (Have I mentioned that it was hot?)

Anyway, it was quite the night! I have to say that it goes down in the books for being one of the coolest things I've ever done, but next time(and there WILL be a next time) I am going to make sure that I go when the weather has cooled down.

Along the football vein, this year is my flagship year for having my own football team. Of course, I am referring to fantasy football! LOL! I am THRILLED! My team, Abby's Boys, stands a great chance and I am super excited! I will DEFINITELY keep you posted on how my team is doing.

(she exhales in great contentment)

...so glad football season is back!!!

Single -vs- not Single

All kinds of things swirling through this crazy, little mind of mind lately.

But right now, I will just chat on one.

Single vs not single. Let me define what I mean by single and not single first. When I refer to single, I mean, not attached, maybe just dating. When I say not single, I mean married or living with someone.

Let's start with a story, shall we?

Back when I was in CA, there were a few times that there were people/kids living with us. ("us" being my ex-husband and I) Most of the time, they were kids, ages 20+. It was always very interesting to me how we hardly ever saw them. They would leave early, be gone most the day and night and then appear some time late at night. On weekends, we hardly ever heard much from them. Then when they were home, I would hear them on the phone til all hours or they were up doing this or that.

I remember thinking to myself, "WOW! They are hardly ever home. And when they are home, they are engaged in something. Do they ever sleep? That is crazy! How can they function? What do they do all day?" I even went so far as thinking sometimes, "They have no peace, always running."

Life has a strange sense of humor! In this current life, I find myself living a very similar life. I find that I hardly sleep (most of my blogs are written between the hours of 1am- 3am), When I do sleep, it is til about 9a (when most people are at work or at school), and I am hardly ever home.

I got to thinking. What is the deal? How is it that life changes so drastically from being single to not single?

So, I started evaluating the situation.

Here are some thoughts:
When you are "not single", there is a routine. There are two lives that are intertwined and I think it helps establish a "pace". It is comfortable to be home. To just be. And for the most part, there is an established life. There is a comfort to it all. You don't feel you need to be on your phone or computer communicating with others because the one you want to communicate with lives with you. It is not a matter of "if" you are going to see them or what plans you are going to make, it is "when" they will be home or what you are going to do.

Not to say that there is no comfort or established life in the single life, it is just different. It seems there is a different kind of freedom, per sei. I think when you are single, there is always something to do. There is a certain unbridled freedom of coming and going, keeping up with the events of the area, doing dinner here or there, etc. It seems that a lot of your life is constantly on the move.

Of course, there is access. I know there are times that I myself can and should spend more time just being, but I guess I just feel like I would rather be doing this or that.

And it really has nothing to do with "not having peace" as I used to think before, I think it is just part of the single terrain. I guess once I settle down with someone again, my life may move back to the slower pace??

Eh....just some random thoughts today!

Speaking of random...
Here is a pic of my Bro, Nate, my sis-in-law, Corrie and niece Abby. I think it is so funny because it is so random. I was like, "let me get a picture of the happy family!" Corrie and Abby put on their biggest smiley face and Nate, being Nate puts his arm around Corrie all awkward and throws on his face....LOL! SUCH a dork! But I LOVE THEM!!!