Be Here....

"Be Here.
Be in the moment.
Be who you are.
Good. Bad.
Stop trying to put on a face you think the world, others will accept."

These words were brought before me twice in one week. (The second time because I forgot them, if I MUST be frank.)

Here's the thing. Lately, I have been thinking about how can a person reconcile the heart, the mind and the soul to be in line. My pondering first birthed the thought, "what IS 'in line' exactly?" The fact of the matter, is even as I scribe these words, I don't know what that is. Some that live their lives saturated in religion might say, "in line with God's Word". Then there are those whose lives are based on a standard of faith that might say, "in line with the right thing. choose the right" Then there are those who just live their lives to be happy. Their happy. No one else. They would say, "in line with what pleases you". Of course, there are an array of opinions when it comes to determining what is "in line." For me, right now, I am not sure I completely know the answer. I think the heart, mind and soul all have a common thread, maybe a couple of them. However, do I think that all three can be in line completely? In ALL things? HHMM....I'm not sure! I am on that path now to find out.

However, when it comes to "be who you are". I guess this is something I have been contending with for some time. (I blogged a bit about it before) I am finding that sometimes, people don't always want to see it. It is one thing to live a life where you are always "on stage" with the glory of make-up, wardrobe, lights, etc. But to live life off the stage and show frailty, vulnerability, the softer sides. To show that maybe you don't always have it all together. To show the sad side. To show a side that isn't perfect. Doesn't have it all together. Has doubts and doesn't always put on the song and dance of "it's all good." I am finding that "be who you are" is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. In fact, so far as to say that it is almost like I feel that sometimes being who you are means that others aren't going to be ok. Feeling like I am wrong or like it just isn't enough. The dynamic of it is...well...so DYNAMIC! For me, I've always wanted to gain acceptance from those around me. It is important to me that my circle is "happy with me". That has meant that a lot of times, the truth of situations, hurts, disappointments, life hasn't always been shown. I guess I understand now why people say the truth is sometimes better to hide.

I feel like I am at a place in my life where so much has changed. But I feel it has been for the good. I feel like I am finally OK to be off the stage and looking at myself in the mirror, I actually like what is reflected. Although a little aged and imperfect, I think she is beautiful. Although the signs of sleepless nights and failed tries show in her eyes, I am still proud of her. Although I look at her and realize that she will probably disappoint one day...maybe soon...I am still willing to put my money on her success. I am finally at a place where the broken reflection is ok. No. More than ok. It is real. It is strong in its broken-ness. It is kind, even through the harsh external. It is happy. It is at peace.

The moment to me now is full of so many questions. Sometims feeling like a disappointment to others. Questions of wondering if I am doing the right thing. Doubts of the person I am and if I am "enough".

But in all that, although, my mind is overwhelmed with so much, my heart and my soul are very much at peace. The reflection is still beautiful. Thru the struggle, I very much feel content. Peaceful. Grateful.

Imperfection is so imperfect! It requires that you get through the flaws and still see the beauty that lies beside and behind it.

I don't know, I am probably just babbling, but just some things I've been thinking about.

I guess...selfiish as it may sound. I know my heart. I know my mind. I know my soul. I know they are good. They are constantly at an aim for joy. With and for those around me. But if what you see doesn't hold the allure or grandier of the stage me and it is too hard to see, to be around, I am left with nothing to say.

Christmas is already here?!?!

WOW! Can it really be? Are we already lassoing in Christmas? The other day, Terry and I were driving to the store and we passed by this equestrian subdivision. I am not lying to you when I say that MOST of the homes that you can see from the main road already had all their lights up! The entrance gates and stones walls were already adorned with garland, lights and bows! ...and this was just a few weeks ago!! How crazy is that??

I mean, I can't say I am complaining because if you know me, you KNOW I am fanatic when it comes to the holidays! So I am loving it!

In fact, as I scribe, I can see a little potted Christmas tree sitting at the corner of my desk. Yes, I am guilty! I am one of THOSE! I know many would say, "what's the rush? It'll be here soon enough!" But for me, I wish I lived in Who-ville, so it could be Christmas always. Just me and the ones I love floating around in a snowflake celebrating Christmas always! LOL!

A girl can dream, can't she?
OH! For my EP family and friends, check out this version of a "Christmas tree"! LOL!

Deer Diary....

This is my Deer Diary.
Before you sit there thinking I misspelled the word "deer", the spelling is intentional. I spent this weekend down south again, just outside of Lampasas, TX. I went hunting with Terry.

OK, OK, anyone who knows me knows that I am an ABSOLUTE animal lover and I would never hurt a single animal. When I met Terry and he told me he was a hunter, I wasn't totally sure what to do with that. But I figured I would let it ride and see where it went. Ever since he and I have been together, he has really opened my eyes immensely. The thing is...I used to think hunting was all about this crazy sport that just takes out cute, little, fuzzy deer. That other than "for the sport of it", there really wasn't a purpose. I mean, yes, there are people that kill for the meat because they really like venison, but come on! Just eat beef!

However, in the past few weeks, I have been learning about over populating, ages of deer, and why hunting really is an important thing. Yes, you have those douche-bags that are just sport hunters and are just trying to get a trophy, but that isn't what I believe Terry and people like him do.

So get this...

We wake at 4am. (which, if you know me, you know is a feat in and of itself!) Terry goes outside to get the clothes he left airing out the night before. (Deer have an incredible sense of smell) He brings it in as I am making coffee. I hear John down the hall getting ready. "You ready?", Terry says. I grunt.

It's 32 degrees outside. I am up at 4am. I am about to go and sit in a deer blind (I will explain this in just a bit) for 5 hours in hopes that we get to put a bullet through a deer....hhmmm? Am I ready?!

I digress. I throw on loads of clothes, including my HUGE insulated CAMO pants, jacket and beanie.

SIDENOTE: What the HECK is up with camo?? I mean, why does it have to be so ugly? Why can't they make something that is more form fitting? Something cute? They say that deer can't tell color. SO then...why don't they make different colors of camo?? I am on a hunt for cute camo...so if you know of anything, please do tell!

Anyway, I digress again. (It amuses me to the greatest degree that I am even speaking of wearing camo! LOL!)

I get my thermos ready with coffee, Terry gets all his stuff and we head out. We are silent. (yes, I know...that is amazing to believe with my loud voice and laugh...but I am!) We trek to the deer blind. Picture of deer blind we were in to the left with my little sheep!) Basically, a deer blind is a box or cover up that you can sit behind to cover your movement. Deer not only have keen smell and hearing, but they have good eye site. Of course, they can't tell color, but, they can catch movement, etc. So we get settled in the deer blind and wait. We have a deer feeder (photo of feeder and deer eating below) set up in the pasture across from us and it is set to go off at 7. A deer feeder is exactly that. It is a barrel filled with corn and it goes off twice daily. The deer start getting used to it so they know when to show up for some free yummy corn. So around 6:30, see our first doe. (Doe is a female, Buck is a male) With my third cup of coffee in hand, I whisper, "Terry." I point in the direction she is. We decide she is too young. Slowly, several doe start coming in and low and behold, a buck! We look at him closer and find that he doesn't look legal. (Bucks have to have a spread of at least 13 inches across on their horns in order to be legal to take (or shoot). We are sitting there in the blind, the feeder goes off and it is deer heaven. They are gorgeous! We watch for an hour or so and decide they are too small. They wouldn't be worth taking because they wouldn't provide enough meat.
There is one buck that keeps chasing this one doe everywhere. Terry begins to share with me how bucks go into a "rutt" once a year. Basically, it means, it is the ONLY time all year that they get to....uh....mate! so they pick up a scent of something that interests them and they go for it full gusto! As he is telling me that, I am looking at him and straight behind him, this large buck comes up over the hill. I point, he turns. As he turns, I pick up the scope to see if the buck we were looking at earlier is still at the feeder. HE IS! Terry says, "its not the same buck!" Before I know it, he is picking up his gun, I am looking at the buck next to us to count his points and see his size, I turn to look at the feeder and BANG!!! I turn to look at Terry and he is breathing heavily, I turn to where the buck standing next to us was and I see him on the ground! OH MY!
I don't know what to say....I am speechless. My heart is beating a million miles an hour. I can hear my breathing....I am in shock??
Talking about adrenaline rush!!! The other does are looking on. (It is crazy! They don't even run! Shoot! If one of my friends got shot, I'd be running! LOL!)
Anyway. We sit in the deer blind for a good 10 minutes not saying a word. Just trying to catch our breathe. He looks at me and says, "do you want to go see?" I take a deep breathe and say, "yes".
We trek over there and the buck is silent. I am shaking. I kneel and touch his warm furr. He is gorgeous. There is no bloody mess as I had envisioned. My heart is pounding as I sit there and pet him. Terry watches me and asks, "are you ok?" I look at him and say, "yes.....I am amazed." I look at his points and start counting. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8....9. "He's got 9 points." Terry says, "Ya! And lots of weight! He's gonna be some good meat!" I smirk.
I sit there for a while inspecting him. So many thoughts cross my mind, but not one of them is negative. I look up at Terry and say, "you know why he died today?" Terry shakes his head. "He died because he came up over that hill chasing that doe. He had NO idea we where here! He had NO clue!" I chuckle. Terry laughs.

We sit for a while waiting to hear for John's shot. (He is hunting from a tree in another pasture)
At about 8:30, we hear his gun. We walk back and as we meet John, we start sharing stories of what we saw? How many? Where? Where were they going? How did you take yours? ....hunter stories! They grow larger and larger everytime they are told! LOL!

I will spare you the details of cleaning them and taking them to be processed. However, I have to comment on how I am learning everyday how education not only wipes out ignorance, but I believe so firmly it encourages a greater point of living. What I mean is...I NEVER in my life thought I would be so "OK" with wearing camo, sitting in freezing weather for hours in hope to kill Bambi's dad, mom, sister or brother. However, because Terry has spent so much time talking to me about what they do, how, what, why. He has shared the good and the bad. It has opened my eyes. Because I understand a bit more, I feel that I am able to call something that I thought was ridiculous or horendous even, awesome! Isn't that strange?

I guess you can teach an ol dog a new dance! (Why would a dog be dancing, you ask? I have no idea....I just made it up and I don't feel like reaching all the way up to the delete button to type something else. And it's my blog, so it stays! LOL!)

Anyway, there is so much more to tell, but I was pretty amazed this weekend. Both the good amazed and the not-so-sure amazed. Either way, I am grateful for the time I got to spend out there. I am a writer without words when it comes to explaining the beauty of such an incredible place. This is TRULY God's country!

I leave you now. Homes for the needy must be built and I get the great privlege of helping organize! Hope you have a great Monday!!!

Sketch Book Designs

Greetings all and Happy Friday!

I hope this blog finds you well! Real quick, I have added a new item to my blog. It is some really cool stuff for those of you that like to work on small projects, scrapbooking, etc. It is a business that my sister has started and I am trying to get the word out. Please feel free to get the word out!

On a note, I have never been a fan of scrapbooking. In fact, I would say that my perception of scrapbooking was VERY skewed. I have seen some of the many amazing things my sister does and it has really changed my perspective. For those that don't like the super cutesey stuff, but like stuff that looks eclectic and modern, this is the site for you! The REALLY cool thing about it is that my sister finds design ideas and my brother hand sketches all of them! So they aren't just regular cookie cutter stuff! Check it out!

Have a great weekend!

American's First!

Today is the first morning of making history. Regardless of who would have won last night, I would be starting this blog with the exact same line! The thing is, I am THRILLED that John McCain conceded and chose to truly serve his nation and allow the inevitable to take its course. I think his speech was beyond gracious and his heart of truly loving his country and serving her was obviously apparent! Then, true to Obama's M-O, his speech was charismatic.

Here is the thing. All in all. regardless WHO you were voting for, where your beliefs lay, the bottom line is that first and foremost, we are all American. This election has been unlike any other. People who have voted Repubican all of their lives, crossed the divide and voted Democratic. People who NEVER voted before went out and voted. A generation of young people came out by the swarms standing for a cause and silenced the mouths of those that would say this generation is apathetic. Before we start with our "I won't support that President", I would say this. It isn't about the person. It is about the office. Regardless where we stand on our opinions, I believe there is a ton to be said to those who call themselves "patriotic" yet will not stand and acknowlege the highest office of this great nation! Listen, I am not saying that we have to buy into everything they say and do. That is part of the great traits of this country, is that we can express FREELY our sentiments. But for those that are ready to get on their revolutionary wagons, I would completely challenge you and your so called patriotism.

Last night, I watched Mr McCain's speech and then went over to watch Mr Obama's. As I watched Obama, I thought, "God, protect this man and his family". It is sad, but true. There are still people that walk this great land today that still believe that the color of a person's skin matters. Living in Southern California for a few years, I think I became numb to it. It is a melting pot of races. As I have traveled up and down this great country, I hardly had any issues. Well, that is except for Savannah, GA, where the women at the Coach Store completely ignored me and made it VERY clear I wasn't welcome in their store. Then there was the time I was spit on my a Puerto Rican girl in Southbeach Florida because I happened to be hanging around with a white man. He was my co-worker, but apparently, she thought we were race-mixing. Then when I moved to the Dallas area, I felt it's sting again...so far as being confronted by skinheads. With their swastika's proudly displayed on their bodies, they glared at me, made their comments and completely brought to the forefront of my mind that we do NOT live in a world that is like a Crayola box. Sadly, there are still people who feel that the world is black and white and white is right. My prayers are with the Obama family. What a disgrace to our country if any one of them were to be harmed simply because of the color of their skin! I truly pity the souls of the ignorant.

All in all? We are entering a new dimension. I don't know what to think of it. But I DO know that because I AM AN AMERICAN. And I AM A PROUD AMERICAN, I will acknowlege and respect the office! Jehovah bless America and my heart is that Jehavah will be blessed by America!

It's Election Day!

Well, here we are in THE most historical election in MY lifetime. I am amazed at the buzz around the elections as well as how passionate people are about their candidate.
My feelings about the whole thing are quite mixed. I won't get into the weeds of who I think needs to be president, etc., however, I did want to comment on the tone of the day everywhere I go.

FREE FOOD
Hey! Don't worry about paying for your morning cup of joe, your lunch or even your yummy ice cream desert! It's on retailers today! Yep! That's right. Go in, say you voted and voila! Free stuff! I don't think I can remember a time that it has been this way...I guess all I can say is....ONLY IN AMERICA!

GET THE WORD OUT
I am JUST as guilty as everyone out there saying, "I don't care who you vote for, just vote" or "Get out and vote"...blah, blah, blah. Since when did we become such large political contributors? LOL! It cracks me up that our damaged pocket book drives our passion.

CHANGING PACE
I am finding that there are people that have never voted or hardly voted are actually getting out to vote. I have a friend who said her dad voted for the first time ever...he's 53! WOW! What a different tone in our great country today.

HALF-TIME??? REALLY?
I can NOT remember a time when we had candidates occupying the half-time show on a Monday night football game! WOW! Who would ever think the day would come?

All in all, I am glad that people are getting out, spreading the word, etc. We have an incredible military who has paid and continues to pay a high price for our freedom to vote. It think it is a dis-honor not to get out and do what is our responsibility. I am grateful that I get to live in this great country. And I am hopeful that the results on this sucker quickly without a lot of drama.

All in all, I am walking around today taking a deep breathe of the air that is filled with the hustle and bustle of a society that is anxious, excited, nervous and expectant all in the same breathe of what is to come!!!