I might let you down, but I won't let you go

I read this recently in some lyrics of a song.

Every once in a while, I hear a song or read some lyrics and there is ONE line that just won't let go.
(like Mis-carried life, another blog, in case you haven't read it)

"I might let you down, but I won't let you go"

I got to thinking...

I find myself at a place in my life where my landscape has changed. It isn't a bad or a good thing, it just is. One of the major things I see has changed is the circles in which I stand amongst. There are people that were in my life a year ago that no longer are. People that are new in my life in which I never even imagined before. There are some relationships that have taken a hiatus and I am still at a loss as to the why's, what's, when's and where's of their departure. It is in these in which I wish to comment today.

I have never claimed to be a perfect person. Although, sometimes, my direct, aggressive and confrontational nature occupies the stage of my little life, before the curtain closes, my loyalty, sincerity and kindness will always close the show. As previously noted in my previous blog, I no longer feel that I am in the place to "fight" for those relationships that no longer exist. However, I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss them. Because I do not know why they have ceased to exist in my life, I am at a loss. It is as if they are unfinished chapters. There are times that I feel sad, others upset and then those where I feel indifferent. Mostly, tho, I think I feel a sense of really wanting to understand. I feel that although my "first face" of being aggressive, etc is what most know, when it comes to my inner circle the last face is the one that sustain these relationships. So I have to wonder if somewhere down the line either I left or these relationships made a hard exit to the door before the saw the last act?
I don't know...either way...the bottom line is that even if I have let some down. Disappointed. Angered. Caused them to feel left. I still haven't let go.

I don't want this entry to be somber. However, it is something that continues to sit at the forefront of my mind. I know, I know, some might say, "well com front them". Problem is that I have. Over and over and there is little to no response...and it is in that that I must move on. I guess these few scribed words are just ramblings...

I apologize it has been a while since I last wrote. Things have been quite scrambled. The combination of doctor's appointments and the constant wondering (not worrying) has plagued much of my time. HOWEVER, in the next breathe, so has the preparations for the upcoming nuptials. We got the pictures from the "Engagement Photos" back. I was pleased with how they turned out! (I have attached a few)

Work is cranking and life is moving ever-so-quickly! I was looking at my calender last night trying to sync it up with Terry and the rest of our lives and I am already through the holidays and into February in my head. Lord willing, time will slow for just a moment so that I can inhale the grace around me!

Anyway...I just wanted to check in with you all! (whoever is out there and reads this) LOL!

Tomorrow is the start of Fall! My heart sings!









































PS
A few months ago I blogged about a cake topper I had found. Well, I had one made!
Take a peak! It's Terry, Myself and Bruto, my beloved donkey!!