Feeling depended on.

So the other day my niece, Abby, and I were hanging out and it was a gorgeous day. There are a bunch of lakes throughout the community and I had been wanting to visit them. So I told Abby, "later on, we'll go to the lake!" The morning came and went and in the afternoon, I decided to pack us a picnic lunch. I loaded our lunch in her little wagon, she sat in the wagon with her big water bottle in hand and I attached portable speakers to my IPOD and hit the country music. She says, "music? music?" (She repeats everything at LEAST twice these days or until you acknowledge her.) I say, "yes, music."

I grab the wagon by its handle and off we go! It was SO neat! I could write an entire blog about that hour with her at the lake! It was really NEAT! BUT....I digress. At one point of our visit to the lake, we wound up at the swings. I wasn't sure if she was going to get on them because I remembered that Corrie had told me that Abby didn't like the swings and wanted to have nothing to do with them the last time they were there. But these days, it seems Abby changes her mind about what she likes and doesn't like daily. So I asked her. "You want to go on the swings? Quieres ir en el columpio?" (My attempts at helping her be bi-lingual, I repeat everything in English and Spanish) She looks at me and says, "Lumpio". AHA! I take that to mean, "sure, I'll try!" SIDENOTE: These days Abby is getting REALLY good at saying NO. Not only does she say NO, she follows it with Momma. Since Corrie spends the most time with her, Abby now says, "No (pronounced with a Y as in nyo) Momma!" So when she doesn't want something, she says, "no momma". If she repeats it, it means yes.
BACK TO THE STORY: I am excited to do all I can to make her LOVE the swings! So I make a decision that I am not going to throw her on the pony alone. I sit in the swing and tell her, "You can sit on Tika's lap. Ven". She lifts her arms at me, I pick her up and sit her on my lap. And we are off! My feet are still touching the ground...(Uh...for all you smart alec's out there that want to take this as an opportunity to take jabs at the fact that, yes, I AM touching the floor...guess what?? It's a BLOG! That means only I get to be heard...not you! HA! HA! So keep your little, short comments to yourself....oh wait! YOU HAVE TO! HA!) ...I digress.
We go forward and back, forward and back slowly. Her hands are free and she is not sure what to do with them. I tell her, "You can put your hands here. Pon tus manos aqui." I take her right hand and put it on the chain. As I do that, she starts to say, "no. no." and starts wiggling. OH NO! I am failing at making her love the swings! I tell her, "it's OK. Ticka's not going to let you fall. You can trust me." I slow down how fast we are going and start swinging slowly and as she leans her little body towards my chest, resting the back of her head just under my neck, I feel her little hands grab each pocket; one on the right, one on the left. She mumbles softly, "Trust Tika." She repeats it a few times and settles in. We go back and forth for what felt a long time in silence. As I heard the squeaking of the chains on the swing and felt Abby's little body lounging on mine as I swung us back and forth, her two little words kept ringing in my mind.

I'm not a parent. I may never be fortunate enough to be called "Momma". And people always say that no one can understand for a moment what it is like to be a parent. To that, I whole heartedly agree! Even as I sit and scribe this now, my eyes water. It's not overly dramatic that my niece needed to depend on me for a kidney transplant or saving her from a moving truck or anything like that. In fact, Abby didn't even need me. When she was saying, "trust Tika", she wasn't asking it as a question. She was saying it like, "I trust Tika." Just a matter of fact. I have been Blessed to have spent much time with MANY kids. Many kids that opened their lives to me. To this day, I still call them "kids", but they are far from it. And they still allow me to be in their lives, for some crazy reason!

That moment on the swing with my niece made me remember what it felt like to be needed. To feel like someone is depending on me and they trust that I am not going to let them down. I think for a season, I have mis-placed that desire and finding joy in people needing me....people depending on me. Not to say that I had abandoned all responsibility...but just to say that I think I have let life get too busy and I haven't made time for one of the things that make me....well....me!

I had such a neat time at the lake (have I already mentioned I had a neat time at the lake???!).
I totally plan on doing it again! Me, Abby, her big water bottle, her little red wagon, and my pink IPOD....LOVE it!

PS
Tonya, Brianna, Missa, I will make the time this week to call you! I'm sorry I've been a slacker but you know I love you regardless!! (0=