Why ask why?

<--- (I made my own Emoticons...
this is "SAD LIZZIE")

Greetings all!

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I actually had an INCREDIBLE day yesterday partially spent in Texas and the other part in Oklahoma but I will expand more on that in another blog as the details unfold. (thank you for a wonderful day, TMQ!)

Today I got some news and I am not totally sure how it sits with me. I won't expand too much on the specifics of it so as to protect those in which it involves, but it really got me to thinking...

Why do we ask why?

I know, for me, many have said that to me quite often. To which, I have now adopted the philosophy of, "it is what it is".

HOWEVER, it may be what it is and it may be completely futile to ask why, but it doesn't change what zips through our minds and festers in our hearts.

Let me expand...

There are things in my life that have happened that I feel are "unfair". Well, you might say, "life isn't fair princess", and to that I agree. HOWEVER, because I really believe that those things are not fair, it causes a shift in my thinking/my feeling.

With the news I heard today, it caused me to pull up the file I have on that subject. As I walked through the bitter hallways of my heart to the abandoned room this file sits in, I grew cold. I finally reached that door, and threw the door right open. There, in that dark, gloomy room sat one table with a few scattered files . This is the room in my heart in which I put all the sad, disappointing and angry files. They are buried deep in my heart's hallways so that I don't have to look at them often, therefore, not feel them. And because they are so buried, I don't have to stumble upon them ever. I walk up to the table and on the tab of this file is the topic name. I cringe. I take today's news and slip it into this file with the others. As I do, I feel a bitter chill that makes the hair on the back of my neck rise. My heart feels like it is swollen and will no longer beat. As I try to take a deep breathe, my throat gets tight and my lungs refuse to take in the breathe I so desperately need.
My eyes don't even water anymore.
It is in this moment, that I realize that I have become bitter.

I, Lizzie Carrasco, am bitter.

There! I said it!

In this life's journey, there are areas that have hit me so continuously that it is almost impossible for me to believe that any good can flourish. There are areas in which I feel that I have become somewhat elitist and only rejoice with very few. In that room, lay topics that are very clear to me. When those topics arise in my life, I want to ask why. And then almost immediately, my mind triggers back, "Why ask why? It is what it is!"

DANG IT!

I don't want it to be tho! I demand an explanation!

BUT....to no avail, my friends, to no avail.

I guess there are some areas that we may never know the answers. Again, we get to choose how we will respond to them. For me, right now....if those topics arise, I am bitter...I know that isn't good, but it is what I feel.

SO...
As with anything else in this great life,
you take the good with the bad,
and love me for who I am!

So with my un-answered questions in tow, I march on in search of this life's greatest joy!!!